Beware

I chatted tonight with a friend of mine from high school. She was one of those people that everyone looked at and was envious - beauty, intelligence, athletic, funny, etc. I hadn't heard much about her since high school, except that she became a cheerleader for the Minnesota Vikings at one point. But tonight, I was able to find out a lot more and wanted to share her cause with anyone who might ready this.

Her brother was in the military and went in to have a somewhat routine medical procedure done through the military to help him breathe easier when sleeping. He came through the surgery fine and my friend picked him up and took him home. He had a patch on his arm that would release pain medication to him and the only instruction given to her was to change his patch in 3 days. Later that night, he passed away from an overdose of pain medication through this patch.

There had been problems prior to this with this kind of patch and a warning was issued to beware of it - but that was never explained in this situation. The military has a law that states that the military doctors cannot be held responsible for incidents like this either. The LA Times even wrote an article about this story and goes into much greater detail.

As you can imagine, my friend was very close to her brother and has been devasted by this incident. It has now become her mission to make sure that his name lives on. She has a website that has been dedicated to her brother and this story and I would encourage you all to spend a few minutes reading more.  

Can you help me help my friend to make sure her brother's name lives on - MSG Harold W. (Bud) Kinamon, Jr.? Pass his name and story along to all that you know. And if you'd like to send my friend a note to encourage her, just leave a comment below or reply to me on my Facebook page and I'll be sure to pass it along.

Bud Kinamon - thank you for your service to our country!

1986

I graduated from high school in 1986. It was the era of hair bands, tight rolled jeans, no socks, Converse high tops of every color, and letting out your best Rebel Yell. I left the life that I knew in downtown Dallas, and started college in a small east Texas town where tight Wrangler jeans and roper boots were all the rage. So when I showed up my first day with my punkish/rocker big city duds on and walked into that world, I felt just a wee bit out of place.

I'm not exactly sure why, but when I left high school, Dallas, and the life I knew there, I didn't stay in touch with anyone. I left. It's not that I didn't have any friends, because I did. But maybe I just felt like it would be an easier adjustment to go off to a new school if I didn't think about the people I was leaving behind. I found myself doing the same thing again when I left college and started my career.

Now fast forward to 2009. For the first time in more than 20 years, I'm starting to catch up with all of those people that I left behind in high school, college, and in my moves throughout my career. I am simply amazed at the lives that we all represent - the stories that we have to share. I'm humbled that I know such an amazing group of people.

I remember back to the drama of school days when a zit appearing at an inopportune time was such a tragedy. When we were ready to fight to the death if the girl of our dreams dared to talk to THAT guy. If a grade came back on an assignment that put our whole college career in jeopardy. I don't know about you, but I would love for those to be my biggest problems now.

In my conversations with my classmates and friends, I've learned of death that has hit families hard. Severe illnesses that some are fighting daily. The struggle of having your own kids growing up and not listening or caring what you think any longer. Trying to pay the bills and keep your home. A spouse that is rarely home because they think they just have to work all the time, leaving their wife/husband lonely at home. Some are doing great things in other parts of the world through their careers, mission trips, and humanitarian aid. Some have become very successful in their businesses and are well respected in many circles.

I'm also intrigued to see the directions that people have chosen. If I had to guess, few would have picked me to have been a minister for close to 20 years. Some that I thought would always be fence riders when it came to their faith are now the most excited about it. And others who used to wear the label of "Super Christian" have been battered and bruised in their faith and rarely attend church anymore. Some of the bullies are now the most compassionate. The list goes on and on.

What a journey we have been on! From those high school days to our lives now scattered around, not only the country, but around the world. We have so many stories that we have shared already, but so many more that we're still keeping hidden away for a bit longer.

I'm honored to know each and every person that I have reconnected with in the past few weeks. My apologies for letting so many years go by and losing touch with them. The bright side is that we all are open to seeing each other as we are now, and not confining each other to what we used to be. I've changed, not all for the good, but I'm just not the same guy that I was back then. But neither are my friends from 1986. I'm anxious to see what we will be 20 years from now, but this time I don't plan on losing touch.

Obama, We See You

One of my biggest concerns, heading into this most recent election, was that we would have a Liberal President, Liberal House, Liberal Senate, and a Liberal Press that that would cover for all of those mentioned ahead of them. The American people would never hear the whole truth about anything, but just slanted coverage that would make everything sound wonderful.

As we listened to Mr. Obama, he spoke of things that everyone would like to believe in - a new tone in Washington, change has come, and that his administration would be the most transparent administration ever. So, let's see how that is coming along.

Obama promised that he would post legislation on the White House website for 5 days before he would sign anything into law so the American people could see what was in it. Great promise! That's fair. Get it all out there so we can see for ourselves what is in it. Has it happened? Still waiting. You know the one he's already signed into law - the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act on Jan. 29, 2009? Was this posted on the White House website for five days? Nope. Wasn't posted at all, and he signed it into law just five HOURS after receiving it, not the five DAYS that he promised.

Why does this matter? Well, honestly, this law wasn't very controversial. It just said that women should get paid equal to men for the same job performed. We can agree on this one so it's not that the content of the law was controversial - it's that he didn't keep his campaign promise. it matters because we're about to have the largest spending bill in the history of the United States signed into law and the House and Senate members haven't even had time to read it before they were voting on it! Is that insane??? What happens when it gets to his desk? Do you think that all 1100 pages of it are going to be posted on the White House website for five days before Obama gets out his Bic pen and signs it into law? No freakin' way is he's going to wait! And I just wonder what got stuck back into this bill by legislators who knew there was no way anyone could read it before voting on it? I mean, politicians in Washington are so dependable and trustworthy. They would never try to sneak something in there, would they?

Get ready because life in America is about to change from the way we have known it. Obama believes that the government is the solution to all of our problems. Let's get a government program in place, fund it, and they can decide everything for each of us. Let's get a government run healthcare system in place so all Americans can have health insurance - sounds great - but who's going to decide when/if I get the procedure that I need for my life to be at the level I want it to be at? The same people who oversaw the banking systems and Wall Street? No thanks!

Mr. Obama, you promised us transparency and you have delivered because I can see right through you!

American Idol

I don't watch a lot of TV anymore (compared to my previous TV watching behaviors), but when I do watch - I'm a reality TV junkie. Survivor - Big Brother - Amazing Race - Bachelor (yes, I'm man enough to admit it) - Bachelorette (there's the trade off) - Biggest Loser - Celebrity Fit Club - Made - Celebrity Rehab - The Mole - Dancing with the Stars - and of course, American Idol. My early pick is Danny Gokey. Wow! What a voice!

I really wished that American Idol had been around when I was 18-22 years old. I so would have tried out for it. The shame is that now I'm an old geezer in their eyes, so their age limits would keep me from giving it a shot. But don't the producers know they're missing some other prime targets? What about doing an "American Idol - Kids" version? Or an "American Idol - The 80's" version where everyone on it was in high school in the 1980's? They could even do "American Idol - Near Death" and draw a crowd.

Season 8 should be pretty interesting. They really do have some strong talent. It's also the most ecclectic gathering I think they have put together yet. There are always a few that I scratch my head over, but for the most part - this is a good line up.

For the life of me, I cannot understand some of the families of others who have gone to these auditions who genuinely think they can sing and the families haven't stopped them before standing in that audition line. What lesson are they trying to teach? What do they say to them after they fail miserably and the entire nation knows of them as a joke?

So, here's your chance. I want your feedback to these two questions:

1) Who is your early pick to win the whole thing?

2) If you were trying out, what song would you sing?

What's Broken with Church

I went to church this morning - kind of a rare occurance these days. So I thought I would share a few opinions regarding this subject today.

Let me start by explaining my point of view and background. I grew up going to church. I like to joke that I was attanding church 9 months before I was born. My mother was the church pianist and my father was Chairman of the Deacons. Both were leaders within the church and well respected. I was 13 years old before I missed my first church service on Sunday. I started off attending a pretty small church and then eventually switched and started attending what was the world's largest Baptist church at the time. I was always involved in Children's ministries, Youth ministries, Music ministries, Missions ministries. If there was a ministry, I probably was tied to it in some way. I became a Christian when I was 6 years old. I was baptized a week later.

In 6th grade, I started attending a private, Christian high school. Between my 10th and 11th grade years, I went on a mission trip to Africa that lasted for 6 weeks. It was a mind blowing trip to see the need, the culture, the hopelessness of those that I encountered. I returned from that trip on a Friday afternoon, and on Saturday morning, I woke up and left for Acapulco for a Youth Choir trip. My entire summer that year was spent involved in ministry and I felt like I had found my calling. I surrendered my life to a call from God to be a full-time minister. Although I wasn't quite sure what area of ministry I would be involved in, I knew this is what I was supposed to do.

My senior year of high school, I was introduced to our new youth minister at our church. He had already heard about me. He invited me to come and work in the youth offices after school and with him during the summer. I agreed and became an intern for the largest Baptist church in the world. Again, this helped me to realize what area of ministry I would be involved in. For 18 years, I served in churches as a Youth Minister/Music Minister. During those 18 years, averaged more than 100 people per year that became Christians under my ministry. Add that up, and more than 2000 people are Christians today through the ministries that I led.

Sounds pretty good, huh? Well, there was another side to ministry that few others knew about. My first church that I ministered in full time fired me. There reason was that I brought too many kids into the church without their parents starting to come. Why does that matter? Because those same people were now having to fund a large youth group of 100 instead of a group of 3-4 kids. Amazing? It gets better.

During my 18 years, I was spit on, received death threats, and had my character trashed by everyone who felt challenged by my leadership and the message that I preached. I was passionate about the ministry that I had and quickly had to become thick skinned, but eventually my skin wore too thin and I just couldn't go on.

Now please understand that I am not blaming all of my troubles on other people. I made mistakes too. I was very vocal and opinionated. Rarely was I subtle. I consistently worked more than 100 hours a week for many years, neglecting my family and paying the price for that decision. I could have done many things differently. But the issues that I will discuss are things that go beyond my issues - they are things that were consistent in each and every church that I attended.

Broken Item #1: A church cannot be owned.

It was amazing to me how many people felt like portions of the church belonged to them and that they had the final say on what would and would not happen in it. When someone new came in, either paid staff or volunteer, they were met with instant opposition if they dared to inject any new ideas or thoughts.  The church cannot have people who "own" portions of it. 

Broken Item #2: A church cannot measure success in business metrics.

Too many churches measure success with nickels and noses. What are the offering totals? How many people attended? Believe me, I always knew how many people attended from one week to another. I always knew the magic number that the offerings must total for the church to pay its obligations. But to make this the primary way of knowing if a church is effective or not is simply not true. In many cases, I would tell a church that I was comign to that attendance and offerings would go down at first because of me coming in, but that they would soon be replaced by new people. (see #1 as the reason people would leave when I came)

Broken Item #3: Change is good.

So many churches are so predictable from one week to another that the people attend soon become very robotic about coming and their actions when they attend. Would it be so terrible to change things up from week to week and make people anticipate what might happen? 

Broken Item #4: The people.

All churches have some really good, moral, and true Christian people attending. Also true is that all churches have some very evil people in them. They don't know or recognize that they are evil - but they are. Some of the meanest, rudest, most self-cenetered people that I have ever met have been in churches (many in leadership positions). Ghandi once said that he would have become a Christian if it weren't for the Christians.  Lou Alcinder contemplated and studied all the major religions of the world, and he came to the conclusion that Christianity made the most sense. But he could not get past the people that he knew that called themselves Christians, so he became Muslim and changed his named to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Those are just a few of the problems. I'm sure I'll pick up this subject again in the future. There are some things that are very right about church too and that will be a subject to write about soon as well. As I mentioned, I don't attend church regularly anymore. Perhaps I can share more of the reasons why in another post.

Share your thoughts. I'm always anxious to hear and possibly even debate some of them.

Friendship and The Internet

Friendship is kind of a curious thing. I wonder what draws us to some people and causes us to flee from others? One thing that I have just recently noticed is that I enjoy and appreciate friendships with people that I knew 20 years ago now more than I did back then.

I was speaking with one of those people just last night. I'm using the word "speaking" in a very general sense. I was actually chatting online. I made the statement, "We really should have hung out more back then. We would have had so much fun!" I guess when you have just left home for the first time, gone away to college, and you're surrounded by all of these new people, that you get sort of obsessed with some people and don't spend time with some of the people that you really would have enjoyed if you had given it a chance.

Social networking has changed my outlook on friends dramatically. I look forward to getting online at night and catching up with someone else. And I realize now just how many close friendship I really missed out on back in the day. I wonder how friendships will morph because of social networking though? It's not the same as sitting down across from someone and looking them into the eye. We type into this space and someone types back in response. Are we more prone to say things in this kind of venue then we would if we had to look at someone at say it? What about the challenge of reading someone's emotions? Won't we run into misunderstandings more often because we won't know exactly how someone meant something that they said? And what about the physical portion of friendship - giving someone a fist pound, a hug, or a handshake? Will we become numb to the need for human touch? It's also easier to pretend to be someone that we're not when there is no risk of someone running into us.

I'm interested in seeing how this plays out 10-20 years from now. Watching friendships that were built by typing words back and forth to each other and how they last, how they develop, and and how they continue to change.

What are your thoughts on this new form a friendships? I'm interested to hear your thoughts.

People are People

Several months ago, my manager and I were in Louisiana preparing to speak the next morning to a group of managers and executives that we recruit for. Some of the people in the room would be pretty high within this organization and my manager was a bit nervous about speaking to them. I simple reminded him that - people are people.

That same night, we were watching the news and we saw the story of actor Heath Ledger who had passed away earlier that day. I spoke up and said, "You see. That's a famous actor. Known around the world. More money than we'll ever have. But when it came down to it, they rolled him out naked and in a body bag just like they would you, me, or anyone else. People are just people."

I'm not sure why some people change their behavior, the way they dress, or even go to all the trouble of redesigning themselves when they know they are going to encounter someone who has had a little success. See, I believe that you treat people respectfully. You listen to what they have to say. And you try to identify with the things that motivate them and are of interest to them. But I also believe you do that with every person that you meet - not just the ones you are trying to impress. Am I successful at doing this consistently - not even close. But it's what I aspire to.

Think of the ways that we modified our behaviors, clothing, music, morals, etc. when we were in high school. Being liked and accepted was so important to us. But why? How many of those people do you still see or talk to today? For me - very, very few. Be true to yourself and the character/integrity that you hold tight to.